50% Evil – Revised

I recently shared a draft of this short piece.  I generally have an optimistic view of the world, so I was endeavoring to write an ‘opposite’.  I had an idea that this might be a way to start a bit of satire. Perhaps, you can see the potential.  This is (I think) better than the draft, but has had no other eyes on it before being published.  Please provide feedback, if you are so inclined.


What if 50% of the people you know were evil. I know social media and even news media make it seem like you should be scared of everyone, because evil is so rampant. But I know the truth.

The evil is the Karulans and they are here. And they have been for years. They appear to be normal people but they are anything but.

They hide in plain sight and pretend to have the same beliefs as the rest of us. They don’t though. They are here to cause hate and disruption. The goal of the Karulans is to stir the pot on our world so that when their main force comes to rob us of our resources, we aren’t prepared to defend ourselves.

I suppose I should introduce myself. My name is Carl Davies. You can call me Carl. I am 60, but don’t let that fool you. My mamma didn’t raise no slacker.

I know you are wondering how I know all of this. And I will tell you. It is simple. I have captured one of the Karulans, and I have him captive in my basement.

I caught Benji walking in my neighborhood a few months ago. He looks like a normal guy, but I saw through that pretty quickly. First, I know all the people on my street, and he was definitely not from around here. I am not sure why he thought he could get away with it. He said he was a traveling gutter salesman. As if I would believe that. I was cool though.

“Mr. Carl, would you be interested in hearing about our deluxe gutter system? Our gutter system has been very effective in reducing damage from water. Here in this area, the annual rainfall can cause significant damage to your home and your landscaping, if not managed well. Our trained installers will insure you get the best looking system and that it protects your home.” Standard gutter sales pitch.

“Mr. Benji, how long has your company been in business?” When we started talking, I pretended to be interested in buying new gutters so that he would relax as I led him inside. “Would you like a glass of tea?”

“That would be nice. It is rather warm out today.”

When I went to make the tea, I slipped in a little somethin’ extra. It took a while for him to drink enough for it to take effect. Another clue that he wasn’t legit… he didn’t seem to like my sweet tea. The sedative I put in there was tasteless, so I know he wasn’t right.

“Uunnhh… What is happening?” After he woke up, he pretended to be confused about where he was, and why he was tied up.

At first I went easy on him and tried to talk him into confessing his real purpose to me. He was pretty defiant though. I ended up having to resort to more stringent measures. At first I started small and just hit him with the fly swatter every time he refused to tell the truth. That was somewhat effective. He stopped trying to give me outright lies, but he was also trying to trick me into telling him what I knew. “What do you want me to say”, “what is the correct answer”, “who do you think I am”.

After the 2nd day, he finally started accepting water. He was evidently afraid I was going to poison him. He needn’t have worried. I have no intention of giving up my one good source of information. Especially once he started talking about the Karulans.

“Mr. Carl, I am telling you, I am not out to get you. I am just a gutter salesman. The worst thing I have ever done is drive off after I hit a mailbox on accident. It is the Karulans you want. They are here to destabilize Earth societies so that they can come conquer us. They need our water.”

By the 5th day, he started to get more cooperative. “Where are you from?” I would ask, and then he would go into monologues about his home planet. I don’t think he has ever been there, though. I get the feeling that he is just retelling stories he has heard. I have to be careful not to let on to how much I am learning from what he talks about. I don’t want him to get smart as to what he is giving away.

Every so often, I have to rough him up some so that he knows who is in charge. Don’t want him thinking he is going to get away with not sharing his secrets. I need to find someone else to bring in and help. I am going to need help when I start to taking out the Karulans that are in this area. I don’t want to be caught out numbered when the fighting starts.

I think Carl and his buddies are probably safe, but Benji lets slip that there are some of his people who are really good at inserting themselves into groups that you would think wouldn’t be so easy to fool. He could be exaggerating, but based on what I see happening these days… I am inclined to recognize the truth. We are at a tipping point, and life as we know it is hanging in the balance. I am going to have to act soon.

It is a shame ol’ Benji didn’t last longer. I think I could have gotten more info out of him if he had. There sure are some evil people in the world. You and me, we gotta figure out how to remove them.


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